Tuesday, August 12
i don't know whats wrong with me .
but i think ..
that another side of me is surfacing ,
much more often than it used to ..
its just too tiring , to control it
everytime .
when i chat to people , whether its online or by any means of communication ,
i always hear my friends saying positive comments about me .
'
kind , pretty , confident , cool , calm '
these are things that i hear most often ..
for that word '
PRETTY ' that is up there , its 100% unbelievable .
when my specs is on , i become a monster and a total freak in people's eyes .
but when i take it off , i get a totally opposite reaction ..
people start saying that
im gorgeous , and all that crap .
ok .. maybe its not crap when my stead says it to me ..
he's my hubby what ..
so sweet of him .
xDbut other than him , and HIM ,
those word sound unbelievable when it comes from other people ..
then i ask my ' darling '
(definitely NOT my stead ) ,he suan me like siao ..T.T
it hurts
ok ..
yesterday talk to him on the phone , got
suan again ,
and got scolding by my bro .
but i found 2 phrases that i would like to share .
1st one : "
there is never a time when a guy that girl that close who do not get into a boy-girl relationship . "do you believe it or not ?
well , just to tell you ,
I DON'T .
i can even prove that its not true , with my first best friend .
he's a guy too , and he's one of the guys who are almost as close to me as how my stead is close to me .
just to tell you something .
i used to hate girls , except myself .
i have a unbelievable & crazy past .
people who know about my past , they are all guys .
i admit .
when i was small ,
i was stupid , i was dumb , i had no backbone , i had no stand of my own .
in the end , i always tell my secrets to the wrong people , and they are all girls ,
my secrets get out , and i get mocked my people .
since the first day of nursery , and even now , i have been laughed at , looked down at , and left out of my class .
and being in the same group as me for a project , always seems to be a torture ,
except for my group of friends .
2nd pharse : '
Love the sinner , but Hate the sin '
its very hard to do , i know ..
but i did it once ..
it took me years just to do it once .
why ??
the person i forgave , backstabbed me many , many times ..
but i thought it through ..
some people are just like that . let them say what they want .
all i can do , is to pray for them , and hope for them to change .
i want to rest , chase him out of my mind .history is repeating itself , again .im now in the verge of giving it up .
im tired , too tired .
history is repeating .
and i dont wan to go though that process again .
its painful .
and its draining me of my happiness in school .
but i love him alot .
i really do .
whatever i do is going to hurt , whether i give up or not .
for now , i guess have to hold on a while more ....
and let time ..
show me what to do ....
if you still wan to let this continue ,
then dont blame me for being cruel .
Thats all she wrote . Tuesday, August 12, 2008.
